had to add these cute pictures of valentine's day in ms. jessica's class...they were sent to me by one of the parents. one is a picture of me, cerissa (my coworker) and my little friends :)

springtime...i can feel you trying to break through, so come on out! my flip flops feel neglected and so do my skirts. my skin forgets what the sun feels like and my car windows may not stay up much longer because they prefer to be hidden in the door panel. oh, and my heart is anticipating the new crushes you never fail to provide...

when everything that's new has bravely surfaced
teaching us to breathe
when what was frozen through is newly purposed
turning all things green
so it is with You and how You make me new
with every season's change....

here's a picture from my birthday last year...march 25, please come soon so we can wear cute dresses again!

looks like i'm staying here in the states...norway is out. i received an email saying they have chosen someone else for the position...though slightly disappointed when reading the email, i'm now a bit relieved that i can let my roots grow here for a little while and that i don't have to make a life-altering decision--because for those of you who have asked, i was seriously going to accept it were it an option...whew

interview friday with children's and hopefully i'll know something soon. i figure i'll take this week to explore some other options in case it doesn't work out there because i know i cannot stay where i am any longer. today's sermon was more relevant to my situation right now than anything has been in a very long time. please check it out...www.buckheadchurch.org listen to the whole 'pause' series....you'll be glad you did.

the weather this weekend (rainy and cold) has been a great representation of the cloud i feel i am living in right now. at the risk of sounding depressed (which i'm not), i'll let you in on the fact that my life really feels gloomy. i have a lot of questions and i'm overwhelmed to start asking them or seeking the answers because i don't want to end up where one of my dearly loved friends is right now. he made a choice to follow his unquenchable desire for knowledge and thought himself right out of the joy and life that is found in christ...i mean, he's happy and feels content with this decision, but i really can't get it out of my mind. it has caused me to question every thought i have now which is the part of my character that i hate to see flare up. i do not like being cynical and, although i see his arguments clearly, i know there is more. if nothing else, it confirms the fact that faith is a gift...it cannot be granted or earned...i am unable to articulate the gratitude i have for my faith and i have a huge desire to do everything to protect it from the war raging around it... the battle over it! but this sheltering can be perceived as being fearful or closed-minded which i am not. i just have to keep trusting because when we stop trusting God, we stop obeying and when we stop obeying, we stop believing....i see how the pattern clearly played out in his life.

in lighter news...had a great time at the fusion leadership retreat friday night. sweet people and i can't wait to get to know them better. then last night we went to see the fray finally...i've been waiting for weeks now!! it was great even though fatigue from lack of sleep all week really caught up with me.

a three day week this week!! can't wait :)

happy valentine's day! here are some flowers for you to show how much i care :)



okay, so they're from mandy's wedding...but they're beautiful, no?
enjoy your day!

my body and i have got to come to some sort of compromise when it comes to sleep....i try to give it the required eight hours, but it is content at six hours. no, not content...it is stubborn as a mule after six hours...i went to bed at 10:30 last night, so at 4:30 i was up and ready for the day to begin. now, this wouldn't really be a problem if i could actually stay up late, but that's just not the case. if i stay up past 11 or so, i'm no good the next day.

is there a solution to this?

sleepless in atlanta

a day off work is the best medicine!

i feel like i haven't had a full week back to work since christmas. it isn't true, but it sure feels like it! so why was i so in need of this day off? i've been worn out in every way imaginable...physically, spiritually, mentally (thank goodness there are not heartbreaks on the horizon) i really don't think i could manage if that were the case.

i have a lot to tell you. and by "you" i mean even some of my closest friends who may have no idea all the possibilities that are brewing in my life right now. i apologize...it's taken me a while to figure out how to word everything. and so, yet again, i have created myself an even greater challenge of catching you up on the details. brace yourself...

i took the day off today because i have a job interview...yes, i have a job and yes i should technically stay until may when the school year is over, but i really don't think i can make it that long. the desire to leave started, well...august 1? haha...my first day of work. it's partly my fault because i was gone all summer and had no time to prepare for an entire school year, so things have felt thrown together from the beginning. but the people i work for don't help much. at the risk of sounding bitter (which i'm not, just frustrated) i'll tell you about some of my issues.

numero uno would be the lack of communication...it really is a weekly occurance for me to find out some piece of information that is pretty crucial at an inappropriately late time. i don't know why it's that way, if it's always been that way or if it will continue to be that way, but i can't handle it. i have enough stress on a daily basis in the classroom that i don't need to feel like things are chaotic behind the scenes as well...numero dos would be the lack of support i have for some serious issues i have to deal with. one of my kids needs help...and i've done all the things i know to do to provide her with that...not sure how much i can say because, knowing me, i'll run into some legal trouble talking about it too much. just trust me :) okay, there are plenty more reasons...but if i'm tired of writing about it, you must be tired of reading it. i'll move on...

next i will continue with a list of possible paths my life could take in the near future...

let's start with the less shocking one which ties in my interview today...i'm applying for a job with children's healthcare of atlanta! if you're from atlanta, this not-for-profit organization is a familiar one to you and you will be happy for me. it's an administrative position for one of the foundation's annual events, the festival of trees...it would be an awesome opportunity...especially not having any ties to children's, it's hard to get in there. i think i would enjoy it, the office is right down the street from me and the company is the only company i've ever said "i would love to work for them" about (well, and chick-fil-a) i had an impromptu phone interview last week and today i'm going in for more of a skills test (admin. work, ya know?) i really think i would love it...i don't have a desire in my body at all to have a long track record for a career, so i have no objections to doing administrative work. i'll let ya know.

possible option 1: office manager-festival of trees, children's healthcare of atlanta, atlanta, ga

now, if you will hop aboard the "i can't believe this could actually be a possibility for me and i'm scared to death" express, i will tell you of the next potential course of my life...

about a month ago, my friend jenny emailed me out of the blue to tell me a church in norway was looking for an associate youth pastor to come serve at their church. not as random as it sounds, jenny held this position a few years ago before i met her working camp at ridgecrest and i was constantly asking her questions about it. she knows of my eagerness to live/serve overseas and knew they were looking for someone, so she let me know. i sent my resume in to them and heard back a couple weeks later when they sent me a questionnaire to fill out (like, detailing your entire life, every strength, ever weakness...potential weaknesses, etc...you understand) they wanted it returned to them within two days to which i said, "Lord, this must be the closed door because there's really no way" we had people in town that weekend and it was just bad timing. so i, like any responsible, mature 22-year-old would have done...never even responded. at that point i knew that if there had ever been a chance for me to be considered, it was as unlikely as the stability of the bridge i had just burned...

well, fast foward to this past friday...i receive an email from the church (north sea baptist church--stavanger, norway, by the way) telling me that out of 23 applicants, i am one of three left for consideration. excuse me? they again attached that intimidating questionnaire and i really could not ignore the possibility that maybe i am being called to a country so far north that it's called 'the land of the midnight sun'. scary for me who really has an affectionate detestation of cold weather :) but that's the least of my concern at this point...i'm terrified, really. if i somehow made it this far, there's a great chance i'll be seriously considered.

the part that scares me is being far away (obviously) it's not the adjustment to a new place, though that will be an extremely tough thing...it's not the possibly 3-4 year commitment (which, if you know me, you would think this would be the biggest hurdle) it's the distance...i've always been surrounded by incredibly supportive friends and my family has always been close. but this is the big test...i've talked quite a talk for the past few years about embarking on some uncharted adventure in my life where i would be forced out of my comforts and into an unknown place of growth and challenge. i guess i just never figured it would really happen. i'm trusting this process and my struggle isn't that God would guide me down the right path...i am really quite confident in His provision and guidance (right now, anyway) i'm just not secure in my ability to be obedient should i be called to this. so, i'm putting all of this out there now for you to hold me accountable.

realizing i may not even have a choice to make, i rest knowing i have made it this far in life because the Lord has a plan for me. i don't want this to become overwhelming when it may not even be an option.

there's a fat chance many of you are even reading this anymore...i've done what i hoped to never do in an entry and that is to overload you with too much information. but i feel better and i welcome any input you may have.

possible option #2: youth minister-stavanger, norway

i will close with a picture i found in one of my many searches of stavanger...it would be fun to see myself on this rock one day. and i would love for you to come visit me!



"but i'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. i'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. i'll be right tehre to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall in a ditch. these are the things i'll be doing for them, not leaving them for a minute." isaiah 42:16 (the message/remix) **thanks marisa**