not much to say

What a beautiful wedding! Things really could not have been more perfect...I mean, I looked pretty awful with my hair flat and nasty, but it wasn't about me, so I really didn't care. It was really nice being around Whitney and her family...really felt like things had never changed since I was 8 years old. It was an outdoor wedding in the North Georgia mountains and the weather was great...although kinda hot.

I'm home now and will start phase one of the big move today when Mandy and Brian get home from church. I got in late last night, so I just slept for a bit this morning and now I'm going to start packing my car.

All of this wedding stuff is starting to make me anxious! I've done really well so far with so many of my friends getting married, but now I feel the 'when is it my turn' phase coming on. I hope not...someday my prince will come, right? I find it hard to believe at times, though. I've dated some incredible guys, but I always find a reason to be unsatisfied. I guess all that really says is when it's 'it', it's going to be amazing...oh, to be in love!

and now some lyrics that make me smile...

"all green" (clem snide)

i buried our love in the backyard
until it thaws, we could play cards
'cause i know that it's hard
when it's dark and cold
and all that you feel
is yourself getting old

but summer will come
with al green and sweetened ice tea
summer will come and be all green with the sweetness of these

so feed me a kiss, chapped lips and all
and i'll bring back the tape of an empire's fall

summer will come
with al green and sweetened ice tea
summer will come and be all green with the sweentess of these

and i'll tie a string around my finger
so i don't forget
not to get so tied up to the things that i regret...

monday, monday...

i find i have definitely been living in the land of "i can't wait until..." for the past year. you think i would have realized that everytime i get to the "until" part, i always wish life would slow down a bit. right now is no different...it started at the beginning of senior year with 'i can't wait until graduation' then turned into 'i can't wait until camp starts' which led to 'i can't wait until camp is over!' because i just couldn't 'wait to start my new job' wow....

why was i ever anxious to graduate college? here i am at what i thought would be the end of something incredible when, in fact, it is the beginning of another long, long road...i know that "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end"...i've heard the song. and rest assured that i know there is "nothing new under the sun" as king solomon wrote, so i know that this battle is not unique to me. there are millions of other 'twentysomethings' out there sitting in the same boat.

it really is an exciting time. i'm slowly getting through the mourning stages of lazy college days, late nights, constant companionship (in bulk!), game days, study sessions downtown...all of that stuff. because i am now looking forward this new life...i'll be living in buckhead with two of my closest friends from college...cute place, cute girls...who could ask for more?

sometimes it really is overwhelming...i cannot believe how quickly the time has gone. how do you say that without sounding like your 70 year old grandmother? i guess it's cliche for a reason though...now i'm moving into the season of friendships changing (again), weddings, blind dates, road trips that have actually been planned, these things that i have actually been looking forward to...

i'll let you know

guess i'll try again...

this is probably the 4th or 5th online journal thing that i have created and i don't know why i think it'll actually stick this time, but i figured i would try...

it was joseph who ignited in me the desire to start an account like this again...i don't even know how long it will be before i actually give out this address. i'll give it to him because i owe him that much...i really do like writing in things like this, i have just never remained consistent for fear of being too honest. you can only write for so long about "today i..." type things. besides, who wants to read that?

i could go into the details of my life, but i would rather just get my thoughts out right now. coming off a summer of complete inadequacy and seeing that my 'assignment' was accomplished, i am reminded that i am in no way in control of my life. i have been given a task to complete (well, a number of tasks that make up a thing called 'life') and i have been equipped with all of the means necessary to complete it (them). it is my responsibility to use the resources in the most useful way in order to do my 'job' the best...ultimately to the glory of Jesus. which scares me because i'm not a resourceful person.

...and You know the plans that You have for me...and You can't plan the end and not plan the means, so i supposed i just need some peace just to get me to sleep...

those lyrics (caedmon's call) speak volumes to me...then again, what caedmon's song doesn't?

so hopefully i'll feed your curiosity if you're reading this. i can't commit to anything exiting...i mean, i'm a prek teacher now, how exciting can life be? actually, i take that back...i'm sure i will have many fascinating stories to tell over the next few months

a friend asked me this summer to share my biggest fear...i told him i have a fear of settling for something less than what i know i have been called to do/be. it was the first time i vocalized that fear...quite possibly the first time i even reconginzed it. but is it possible to settle for less than what you were called to be? maybe, but if we are constantly seeking 'more to life', are we not missing out on what we have been given at this moment? that is a tragic loss as well...

who knows, i may change my mind about all that a week from now.

sorry this was all scattered...as you can see, it's been a while since i've even taken the time to think through what i've been learning. it's been almost a month now since i've had that friend who would make me think. i miss you....